WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — In a press conference concerning the release of the Epstein files, Attorney General Pam Bondi assured the public that President Trump’s alleged involvement in “no more than five, possibly five‑and‑a‑half” murders is “not only legal, but arguably encouraged by several obscure footnotes in the Constitution.”
Bondi explained that the public’s confusion stems from “a widespread misunderstanding of the difference between illegal murder and administratively permissible homicide‑adjacent activity.”
According to the DOJ’s newly released legal guidlines, “The Doctrine of Acceptable Casualties in Leadership Contexts,” the law becomes “increasingly flexible” when the number of alleged murders remains “comfortably below six.”
She noted: “The Founders were very clear about this in their private diaries, which I have not read but feel spiritually connected to.”
Reporters immediately challenged the doctrine, noting that no known legal system recognizes a “murder quota.” Bondi dismissed these concerns as emanating from liberal critics who “lack the alternative facts necessary to understand the legalese.”
