Mike Huckabee’s Plan to Save Israel with Mass Baptism of Jews

HOPE, AK ( — Presidential candidate and Baptist preacher Mike Huckabee said on Tuesday the best way to defend Israel against threats to its very existence is to convert all the Jews to Christians, via a mass baptismal event. “Iran and other terrorist nations want to obliterate the Jewish State,” said Huckabee in a recent […]

‘Disney Dollars’ New Currency of Greece

ATHENS ( — With the likelihood of being expelled from the Eurozone, Greece has decided to make Disney Dollars its official currency. Available in $1, $5 and $10 denominations, the colorful bills have been the official currency of Walt Disney World Resort and Disneyland since 1987. “With the adoption of Disney dollars,” announced Prime Minister […]

Chinese Officials Go On Spending Spree with Hacked Credit Card Info

BEJING ( — The recent hacking by China into a US government employee database has allowed Chinese officials to utilize stolen credit card information to make miscellaneous purchases of merchandise, running up a tab well into the tens of millions of dollars. Although China has officially denied responsibility for the security breach at the Office […]

Malaysian Passenger Train Missing

KUALA LAMPUR ( – A light rail Metro train heading from Kelana Jaya to Gombak on Tuesday never reached its destination, according to Malaysian Ministry of Transportation spokesperson Hasan Jamaluddin Seng Kuan. The train, #KJ202, which was supposed to arrive at the terminus platform at 12:34 pm local time, was last heard from as it […]

CNN Speculates Missing Plane Could Be Anywhere

ATLANTA ( — In its ongoing, continual coverage of the mystery of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 — which disappeared over two weeks ago — CNN journalists have concluded with “ninety-percent certainty” that the aircraft could be anywhere. In a special report entitled “Flight 370: We Know It’s Somewhere,” CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer analyzed the satellite […]

Putin Rolls Triple Sixes: Moves Two More Troops into Position

UKRAINE ( — Russian President Vladimar Putin’s roll of the dice this morning resulted in three sixes to Ukraine’s two and five, which allowed him to advance two soldiers from Yakutsk to Irkutsk. The United States responded by fortifying its military positions, easily repositioning ten troops from their base in Northern Europe to adjoining Southern […]

British Men Encourage Princess Kate to Breastfeed in Public

LONDON ( — A survey released today reveals 93% of British men want Princess Catherine to breastfeed her baby in public. Although studies have shown breastfeeding reduces a child’s risk of infection, obesity, asthma, and allergies, only a small fraction of British mums actually engage in this age-old custom. Sociologists attribute the increased accessibility of […]

Royal Baby’s First Poop Goes on Display

LONDON ( – Prince William and Kate Middleton have donated the first poop of their newborn offspring to the Museum of London, where it will be on permanent display. The crowd of well-wishers who waited patiently at St. Mary’s Hospital to learn of the new prince’s arrival remained hopeful to hear word of his first […]

NSA Leaker Snowden Executed by Chinese as ‘Preventative Measure’

BEIJING ( — Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old college dropout whose disclosure of top secret U.S. government security information caused a storm of controversy, has been executed by the Chinese government to prevent him from doing the same thing to their country. After disclosing thousands of classified U.S. government documents to the media, Snowden fled to […]

Terrorists Outraged at NSA Surveillance

MIDDLE EAST ( — A group of Islamic Jihadists bashed the U.S. government Monday for what it calls “a flagrant violation of personal privacy.”  According to Marwan Amajalleh, an explosives expert, the NSA’s recently disclosed tracking of foreign terrorists  on the Internet goes “way beyond the bounds of security.” “We feel this whole program is […]