LONDON (TheSkunk.org) – Prince William and Kate Middleton have donated the first poop of their newborn offspring to the Museum of London, where it will be on permanent display.
The crowd of well-wishers who waited patiently at St. Mary’s Hospital to learn of the new prince’s arrival remained hopeful to hear word of his first royal doody.
They didn’t have long to wait.
Within an hour after the delivery, an official from Buckingham Palace emerged from the hospital and read from a parchment scroll: “His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge has pushed forth an excrement of 3.4 ounces. It is firm and brown, shaped into flowing peaks and valleys, and smells delightful.”
The young prince’s first feces ranks 11th in size and weight among the various monarchs who’ve ruled over Great Britain for the last thousand years. His father, Prince William, ranks 6th, with a debut turd of 6.4 ounces, while grandfather Prince Charles is not ranked, having dribbled out diarrhea for the first 8 years of his life.
The princely poo will be coated with a carefully blended mixture of acrylic and gold flakes. Once hardened and preserved for immortality, it will be shipped to the museum, where curators expect it to be on display beginning in September, next to an exhibit of well-maintained vomit from Henry VIII.