CHICAGO – Embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has appointed his penis to fill the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.
“I am merely executing my duties under the Illinois state constitution,” said Blagojevich. “I hope the allegations against me won’t taint the appointment of this well-deserving, stalwart appendage to the United States Senate.”
Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev) is leading efforts to block the Blagojevich penis from gaining a seat in the legislative body, but it is unknown whether such tactics will be successful.
Legal scholars are debating whether or not the Constitution of the United States allows a penis to become a senator.
There’s nothing in the Constitution that specifically excludes a male member from becoming a member of Congress, according to Sidney Blumenthorn, a professor of constitutional law at Columbia University. “Although there is no precedent for it in the legislative branch,” said Blumenthorn, “we’ve had a Dick in the White House for the last eight years.”
A spokesperson for Blagojevich said the appointment was completely appropriate. “If the Governor gets indicted,” he said, “he looks forward to fully getting off and resuming his position behind the people of Illionois.”
Blagojevich’s penis was unavailable for comment.