New Pepsi Beverage Made from Tuna and Beans

PURCHASE, NY — Banking on consumers so unquenched they’ll drink anything, PepsiCo announced today production of a new carbonated beverage made from refried beans and tuna fish.

The product description, available at the PepsiCo corporate website, declared “The rich protein of pure albacore tuna, combined with genuine pinto beans harvested from the ancient Guatemalan city of Tikal, will make for a carbonated beverage no sane cola-drinker will be able to resist.”

Assistant Marketing Director Errol Blund touted the product as “comfort food for your thirst.”

“Consumers associate the smell of fish with Mom’s home cooking,” explained Blund. “When they open a bottle of Tuna-Bean Cola and get a whiff of that soothing, carbonated tuna scent, it’ll be like going home again.”

Pepsi’s Tuna-Bean Cola and Tuna-Bean Cola with Cherry will be available at stores nationwide beginning in September.