New iPhone 'Just Makes Calls'

CUPERTINO, Ca ( — Steve Jobs today released details of Apple’s newest generation iPhone, astounding techies around the world when it was revealed the device only has only two functions: making and receiving calls.

“Customers have been clamoring for a simpler way to keep in touch with one another,” said the Apple CEO. “With the new iPhone, users can carry on a conversation without getting interrupted by an incoming email or text message.”

Thousands of apps that are available on previous versions of the iPhone will not be operational on the new one, according to Apple’s website.

Reviewers have praised the novel concept.  “Leave it to Steve Jobs to create a whole new paradigm in personal communications,” read an article on “The idea to keep  entertainment, web browsing and photography separate from talking and listening is revolutionary.”

Users will speak to one another using a separate “handset” that combines a mouthpiece and an earpiece molded together into a single unit.  A stylish, coiled wire will connect the handset to a heavier, cube-like base that will be used to enter the phone number of the party you wish to call.

The numbered push buttons found on previous versions have been replaced by a circular, translucent dial.  Punched through the circumference of the dial are ten, circular holes the size of one’s fingertips, each one corresponding to a single digit, 0-9. Callers will use their fingers to rotate the dial from number to number in order to place a call.

Perhaps the most inventive thing about the new iPhone is its power source.  According to the Gizmodo article: “No longer will users be interrupted by a fading battery charge.  The base of the new iPhone is attached to a thick electrical cord which is permanently affixed to the wall of one’s bedroom, living room or kitchen.  These cords will not only power the phone, but will also carry the users’ voice in a simple, analog signal.”

Apple said the devices, which are available in white, black and pale yellow, can be leased from the phone company for a small monthly fee.