automakers

New Microsoft Automobile Needs Reboot

SEATTLE — Bill Gates has thrown his hat into the auto manufacturing ring. Microsoft’s first generation of vehicles will be the aptly named “Car, VER. 01,” and will feature internet connectivity and voice activated controls.

Automakers Form Suicide Pact

DETROIT — The chief executives from Ford, GM and Chrysler, fresh from groveling to Congress to bail their respective firms out from under their mismanagement and poor judgment, have issued a statement today outlining plans for their joint suicide. Should any of the Big Three automakers be unable to repay the billions of dollars they are requesting from the federal government, all three CEOs have vowed to kill themselves.