Nationwide Theft of Fleet Enemas Sign of Struggling Economy, Mass Constipation

Stolen Fleet Enemas

Over the past six months, the iconic green and white, oblong boxes have been reportedly pilfered from hundreds of retailers nationwide.

House Changes U.S. Motto to 'Buyer Beware'

New U.S. Motto

WASHINGTON –The House voted along party lines today to pass a GOP resolution changing the motto of the United States to “Buyer Beware.”

Stating the Obvious: Unemployment

“Stating the Obvious,” with host Duane Morgan. “Unemployment”

America's Visa Gold Card Cancelled

VISA Cancels U.S. Credit Card

Visa Gold Rewards Card informed the U.S. government that it is $17 billion over its credit limit and charge privileges have been terminated.

Boehner Assures Public His Taxes Won't Go Up

John Boehner assured the American people that whatever version of the budget is finally passed, his personal taxes will not increase.

Increase in Contract Killings Sign of Economic Recovery

WASHINGTON ( — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.

Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market

GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.

Employment Up for Stupid People

More Jobs

Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.

Pie Donations Down at Clown Colleges

Pie charts held by clowns

Despite the growing demand, donations of cream-filled pies are down 65% at clown colleges across the U.S.

Man Gets Cash for Clunker Wife

Clunker WIfe Worth Cash

BUTTE, MO — Due to a loophole in the federal “Cash for Clunkers” program, local dentist Halman Johnson was able to bring his wife of twenty-two years into the local Ford dealership and walk away with $4500 cash and a 2010 Escort Cabriolet hybrid.