Boehner Assures Public His Taxes Won't Go Up

WASHINGTON ( — In a press conference Tuesday, John Boehner assured the American people that whatever version of the budget is finally passed, his personal taxes will not increase.

“People want to see the economy recover and they want jobs,” said the Speaker. “What they don’t want is for the poor and elderly to be taken care of on the backs of the Boehner family.”

Boehner pledged to reporters that budget legislation currently making its way through Congress will not diminish his personal net wealth.

“Americans overwhelmingly believe I should be allowed to prosper, despite our current economic crisis,” he said, “even if it means doing without health care for themselves or their children.”

According to Boehner, by keeping his tax rates low, he and his wife can continue to enjoy the “indulgent lifestyle” to which they have become accustomed.

“When the American people go to sleep tonight, they can rest assured that the savings we make by cutting Medicare and social security will translate directly to my increased propserity.”

“The President just doesn’t get it,” he added. “The Boehners know how to spend their hard-earned money better than Washington.”