Let Them Eat Cake
What are all those “Occupy Wall Street” folks mad about, anyway?
economy
Candidates Stimulate Economy with Ridiculously Expensive Campaign Spending
The $4 billion spent on the various Senate, House and state campaigns in the 2010 midterm elections have helped jumpstart the flailing U.S. economy, according to a report issued today by the Department of Commerce.
Increase in Contract Killings Sign of Economic Recovery
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.
Demolition Company Hiring Suicide Bombers
For the last half century, this world-renowned demolitions company has been using its cutting-edge technology to bring down skyscrapers and other concrete and steel monuments to human achievement.
Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
Employment Up for Stupid People
Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.
Pie Donations Down at Clown Colleges
Despite the growing demand, donations of cream-filled pies are down 65% at clown colleges across the U.S.
Criminals Urged to Apprehend Themselves
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an attempt to lower costs for law enforcement, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is asking lawbreakers to turn themselves in as part of his “Arrest Yourself” campaign. He spelled out details of the program at a press conference Tuesday.
Home Sales Up by 11 Homes
WASHINGTON — The month of July saw an increase in single-family home sales nationwide by a total of 11. The 11 homes were sold in California, New Mexico, New Jersey, and Guam.
UPS Man Disappointed in Career Choice
BALTIMORE — Deliveryman Henry Zulligan said he regrets the decision he made after graduating high school that put him behind the wheel of a brown UPS truck every day for the past twenty-six years.
