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Today is: Saturday, October 25, 2014

Disney Acquires Porn Company

Disney Porn Film

BURBANK, CA (TheSkunk.org) — The Walt Disney Company today announced it has acquired Shantibody Media, the country’s largest producer of hardcore adult entertainment.  The announcement comes on the tail of disappointing box office revenue for a string of recent flops, including “Oz the Great and Powerful” –  a failure which studio execs blame on “audience apathy to movies with bad scripts.”

According to a press release, the acquisition is part of Disney’s attempt to keep up with the tastes of an aging, baby boomer audience.  “They don’t go out to the movies much anymore,” acknowledged CEO Robert Iger, “ but they do like to stay home and masturbate.”

According to Iger, Disney will be producing 600 made-for-Internet short films a year through the new division, which will be called “Jizzneyland Films.”

“There is already an abundance of adult content on the web,” notes Iger, who disparages his competition as “junk shot on a home camcorder.”  He said the Disney name will let viewers know they are getting a “higher quality of junk, shot with more expensive cameras.”

Because the videos will not exceed five minutes in length, Iger says production costs will be low, without sacrificing the extremely high production values their audiences have come to expect. A full page ad in the Hollywood Reporter touts the division’s future projects as “Sex with a Touch of Disney Magic (and a Little Bondage).”

“Our stable of existing characters is ripe for insertion into these new productions,” said Iger.  “Already in the pipeline is ‘The Piddle Mermaid,’ ‘The Jungle Bootie,’ and my personal favorite, ‘Star Whores: May the Force Be Thrust Into You.’”

“For almost a hundred years we brought the world the best in family entertainment,” lamented Iger, “but our aging audience is no longer interested in princesses and mice, unless they’re naked and touching each other.”

“When you put your credit card number in some anonymous website, you never know what you’re going to get,” he added. “But when you see the Disney name, you know you’re going to get off.”

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