Trump Offers to Buy Iran, Evict ‘Tenants’

NEW YORK ( — Calling the President’s recently negotiated treaty with the leadership of Iran “bad business, through and through,” billionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump today revealed  his own plan to purchase the entire Islamic country, creating a landlord-tenant relationship with its current occupants.

Anyone wanting to stay on the property would be required to pay rent to the Trump organization, according to the proposal, and anyone who refuses will be given thirty days to vacate.  “The nukes would be gone in a minute,” asserted Trump, “because the lease agreement – which I would have everyone sign – would explicitly forbid the manufacture and implementation of nuclear weapons anywhere on the premsies.”

Trump’s plan includes punitive measures in the event the nuclear program continues. “If anyone’s caught enriching uranium,” he explained, “I would simply sue them.”

“I will give that pitiful wreck of a country a complete remodel,” added Trump, “and I predict within six months I can flip it and turn a profit.”