NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told reporters Thursday that he is “absolutely terrified” by guns and has never fired one in his entire life.
“If the government sends their black helicopters to come after our cars,” said AAA President and CEO Robert Darbelnet, “they will be in for the fight of their lives.”
Ten new state laws you should know about.
“A free state must not constrain an individual from eradicating his fellow citizens en masse,” wrote Adams.
Speaker John Boehner proposed replacing Medicare with a coupon good for 10% off at Applebee’s restaurants.
“We want to make this a friendly split,” explained Barton, “but my family and I are willing to take whatever measures we deem necessary to protect our liberty.”
Recent accusations of improper testosterone-driven conduct have outraged members of Congress, who claim the military is no place for unrestrained heterosexual behavior.
“Our cost analysis shows that it’s cheaper to replace the trains with submarines than it is to pump the water out of the tunnels,” said MTA spokesperson Kyle Blodgers.
Governor Chris Christie (R-NJ) insists his relationship with a Filipino houseboy is purely professional.
Senator John McCain today proposed a strategy to send an additional 20,000 Christian extremists into American towns and villages, a plan that would beat back a growing feminist insurgency and enable the nation to be victorious in the GOP-led war against women.