First Death Attributed to the Affordable Care Act

MICHIGAN ( — A man was found dead in his apartment Monday, an apparent victim of the damaging effects of the Affordable Care Act.  The victim, 53-year-old Olaf Gustafson, an unemployed machinist from Twin Falls, was found slumped over in front of his computer monitor, which was still displaying the government’s ACA sign-up screen.

“This is exactly what we’ve been predicting,” said Senator Ted Cruz, “we know that millions of American citizens will be struck dead from laying their eyes upon that devastating website.”

An autopsy was performed on Gustafson the following day.  The coroner’s report confirmed his death was brought on by “researching the various insurance options made available to him by Obamacare.”

“This will be happening all over the country if we don’t repeal this disastrous law,” declared Cruz. “A cancer patient looking to find a better insurance rate will be tricked into looking at the Obamacare web page and then suddenly — BOOM – he’s dead.”

Cruz tweeted about the incident to his followers:

“First victim of Obamacare – dead and uninsured.”

A spokesperson for the Administration brushed off Cruz’s assertion as “political theater.”

“Mr. Gustafson’s death while researching his various health care options under the Affordable Care Act is unfortunate,” said the spokesperson, “but we don’t anticipate more than a few thousand of such incidences in the future.”

Although the very concept of affordable health insurance may cause some Americans to die prematurely, according to the spokesperson, “their funeral expenses will be fully covered under Medicare.”

“At least,” he added, “I think they will.”