With the limelight focused on her twin sister’s upcoming nuptials, 26-year-old Barbara Bush revealed her secret engagement to Sidney Bluchstein, a 57-year-old Jewish injury attorney in Washington DC.
A spokesperson for the White House said President Bush is delighted to have a Jew in the family. “They may have killed Jesus,” the President was quoted as saying, “but they sure know how to save a nickel. I only hope we can encourage them to spend their twelve-hundred dollar tax rebate checks on American goods and services instead of using it for a mitzvah or other forms of flattened bread.”
Tired of addressing all the innuendo floating around Bluchstein’s ethnicity, the bride-to-be chastised the media. “I hope our marriage puts an end to ugly rumors about Jews having long horns and short endowments,” said the newly-engaged First Daughter. “My fiancé is a kind, caring man, with a gentle face, who happens to be balding a little around the crown. But trust me, he has no horns.”
When asked how it will feel to live in the shadows of the Bush legacy, Bluchstein replied, “I can only aspire to the universal vilification achieved by my father-in-law. He has set the bar very high, indeed.”
What attracted the twin Bush to her groom? “I know he’s kind of — what’s the Yiddish word? — nebbishy. But when he looks at me, he doesn’t see the face of the president’s daughter, the face of a privileged D.C. girl — or the face of Secretariat — he sees a plain old country girl who likes to get drunk with her daddy.”
“I know I got stuck with the non-hot one,” said Bluchstein, “but at my age, all the young shiksas start to look alike.”