WASHINGTON, DC — Researchers at the National Archives today uncovered a stack of the president’s test scores from the 1960s. On a standardized IQ test given to him in seventh grade, President Bush scored a 57, which is within the range of mental retardation.
“Psychiatrists consider a score in the high fifties to be only mild mental retardation,” said Dr. Herman Coddrick, White House staff physician. “There’s no reason that a person with such a mental capacity couldn’t hold a regular job, like being server at Dairy Queen, a digger of ditches or Commander-in-Chief of the United States military.”
The documents further reveal that George W. Bush re-took the test every year through his senior year at high school, apparently scoring the same result: 57.
Bush joked about the test scores with reporters at a press conference this morning. “If I took the test ten times, and kept getting 57’s, I must have an IQ of 460,” he said with an impish laugh.
But world leaders were not laughing.
“When he was here last week,” said King Abdullah at his ranch in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, “begging us to lower oil prices, our interpreters had to speak very slowly, every so often asking if he had to go ‘doody.’”
Abdullah said Bush had always come across as someone with low to average intelligence, “maybe in the 80 to 90 range, but we had no clue of his mental retardation. This comes as a complete shock.”
“If I’m retarded,” the president told reporters, “and you voted for me — what does that make you?”
A White House legal team is looking into whether any documents the president signed over the last eight years would be valid in light of his diminished mental capacity.
One reason for the lack of precise data about the number of mentally retarded inmates on death row is that the mentally retarded themselves struggle to hide their disability, even though in many cases it is the one thing that might save them from execution.