Guam Elects Ron Paul

The territory of Guam, in seeking its independence from the United States, has elected Ron Paul as its first ever president.

“We really wanted our own president, very badly,” said an associate for the Guam Tourism Bureau. “Someone brought up Ron Paul, and we said, ‘Hey, why not?’”

With no constitution, no army, no source of tax revenue, and no currency of its own, one might think governing the erstwhile U.S. protectorate this would be an impossible job for a new president. “Not so,” said the GTB official. “This is the kind of stuff president-elect Paul has been preaching for years. He will be presiding over an Island government of pure anarchy – a microcosm of the Ron Paul dream, come true.”

Congressman Paul could not be reached for comment.

Senator Hillary Clinton issued a statement deriding the election results. “This race isn’t over,” read Clinton’s statement. “Let’s not count anyone out until all the people of Guam have had their voices heard.”