Republicans Say Goodbye to Elephant

The elephant, long the familiar symbol of the GOP, has followed the Marlboro Man into the dustbin of retired icons.

A special committee appointed by the RNC, headed by Newt Gingrich and Ann Coulter, has chosen a new emblem, which will be unveiled at the 2008 Republican convention. The logo, a graphically designed mound of human excrement adorned with horizontal red and white stripes, with an elegant fountain of streaming white stars emerging from the center, was selected from over ten thousand entries from artists around the world.

“We wanted a symbol that stood for the real essence of what it is to be Republican,” said the former Speaker of the House. “For many years now, people have associated the old GOP elephant with being “fat” and self-indulgent. So we went in a new direction, showing Americans from all walks of life that ours is the party of Waste. The hard part was deciding from which animal it would come.”

The committee members initially considered elephant droppings, but retracted this idea because it “seemed a bit too obvious,” laughed Gingrich. The idea to use a graphic depiction of human feces was born after attending a fifty-thousand dollar a plate Republican dinner.

“That’s when Ann Coulter plopped out the design,” said Gingrich. “The escargot was particularly fatty. Suddenly, Ann comes running out of the ladies’ room, and she’s all, ‘Newt, you gotta see this.’ It was an amazing turd — curved, gnarled and twisted – and we just looked at each other and new immediately that we found our feces. And it’s that very feces that will be depicted on bumper stickers and campaign posters for the next hundred years. This feces will forever be associated with the Republican party, and Ann Coulter, in particular.”

Leave a Comment