Public Doubts ‘Official’ Account of Kennedy Death

BOSTON — Over 68% of Americans don’t believe the official government story that Senator Edward Kennedy died from a brain tumor, according to a survey released today.

“It’s convenient to blame it all on cancer,” said researcher Johann Lipuidare, a public school custodian who runs several blogs on the Kennedy assassinations. “But there were three additional, unidentified diseases that actually dealt the fatal blow.”

Lipuidare, who has called for a thorough investigation, claims at least two witnesses saw what they believed were two fatal viruses and a bacterium lingering around Kennedy’s hotel room on a trip to Hawaii in 2007. “Tropical islands are a breeding ground for deadly diseases,” said Lipuidare, who claims to have uncovered videotape of Kennedy’s personal physician “advising the senator that he didn’t need any vaccinations prior to his trip.”

Although Lipuidare doesn’t think the government was involved in the senator’s death, if Kennedy were killed by three disparate microbes, why would authorities conspire to cover it up with a “preposterous” brain tumor story?

“If Americans knew that a conspiracy of contagions murdered their beloved senator,” he explained, “the resulting mass panic would thwart the government’s own conspiracy to inoculate citizens with the deadly N1H1 Swine Flu vaccine.”

The question remains, however, as to a motive for the assassination.

Lipuidare thinks he knows the answer. “Senator Kennedy was the nation’s strongest advocate for government healthcare reform,” he said. “The diseases needed to take him down.”