Bachmann's Husband Counsels Blacks to Convert to White

LAKE ELMO, MN (TheSkunk.org) – Declaring that being black is a choice that one can “unchoose,” Dr. Marcus Bachmann, husband of presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann, said he uses so-called “color correction therapy” in his counseling practice to help African Americans transform themselves into white people.

“The idea that humans are born black is a myth that needs to be busted wide open,” said Bachmann. “Everyone knows that God created us white, and to present ourselves in any other fashion is an abomination.”

According to records retrieved from the Bachmann Counseling Center, between eight and ten African American patients enter the clinic each week, seeking treatment for a gamut of psychological conditions from depression to anxiety, but are instead counseled in returning to their “natural, God-given, white state.”

“If you had to walk around all day with that dark shit all over your face, you’d be depressed, too,” explained Bachmann. “Once we steer them in the direction of whiteness, the underlying cause of their depression vanishes – like magic.”

Bachmann tells patients that through belief in Jesus Christ and three 50-minute therapy sessions per week, they will acquire the desire to be normal and white.

In video footage on the Internet, Bachmann is seen administering a technique where a patient is required to repeat the mantra: “I am human. Human’s are white. Just like Jesus. Vote for Michele.”

“Being black is nothing to be proud of,” noted Bachmann. “It’s an addiction, like snorting blow from a teenage boy’s ass.”

Michele Bachmann has shunned any questions of her involvement with the clinic. “In case you haven’t noticed, I am busy campaigning for President of the United States,” the Congresswoman told reporters when asked about her husband’s controversial treatment programs. “People know I support an all-white America.”

“And right now,” she added, “I’m focused on creating jobs for all those white people.”