Pizza Execs Never Heard of Herman Cain

OMAHA — In yet another twist to an already peculiar GOP presidential primary race, Herman Cain’s claim that he was the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza has been challenged by none other than the top brass at Godfather’s Pizza. Corporate executives from the Nebraska-based restaurant chain issued a statement Friday denying that Cain ever worked for their company and stating they had never even heard the name “Herman Cain” prior to the primary race.

“The reason they can say they never heard of me,” explained Cain, “is because their statement is inaccurate.”

But in a list distributed by the restaurant’s corporate office identifying all the chief executive officers going back to the company’s founding in 1973, Cain’s name was nowhere to be found.

“The reason I am not on this list,” stated Cain, “is because it is incorrect.”

The news has left media pundits scratching their heads. “It never occurred to us to check out his story,” said NBC’s Brian Williams. “We just assumed an articulate black guy with an affable disposition would be a straight shooter.”

“The reason the press is reporting that I’ve lied on my resume,” declared an emphatic Cain, “is because they are mistaken.”

The reaction from his fellow candidates has been swift. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with padding your resume,” noted Mitt Romney, “but I would think you’d want to say you worked in a business that’s slightly more amorphous and less transparent, where nobody knows who’s working for them or what exactly it is they do all day, like the financial industry.”

Cain brushed off the criticism as a distraction from the important issues of the day. “You can talk about pizza all you want,” he said. “What I’ll be talking about are my extremely simplistic solutions to the complex problems facing everyday Americans, like my ‘9-9-9 Plan.'”

“And the reason everyday Americans think my ‘9-9-9 Plan’ is a really bad idea,” he added, “is because they are all misguided.”