Cain Says He Will Take Dramatic 5‑Minute Pause Before Making Any Decisions

NASHUA, N.H. (TheSkunk.org) — Presidential hopeful Herman Cain defended the uncomfortable five minutes of silence he took trying to respond to a simple foreign policy question by claiming it was all part of his strategy to pause for five minutes before making any decision.

“Obama sometimes takes weeks on an issue before making a decision,” said the former pizza executive. “As president, each decision I make will be preceded by a dramatic, five-minute period of total quietness.”

According to Cain, that’s “one decision every five-minutes, coming on the heels of an uncomfortable, thought-provoking pause, during which time I stare blankly into space.”

Cain explained the blank stare was necessary in order to “draw upon the information twirling around in my head.”

“Announcing my decisions after an intensive five-minute period where I say nothing-at-all means I will be able to make 12 decisions an hour,” he declared. “I call it my ’5-12-60 Plan.’”

When asked how his “5-12-60 Plan” will benefit the American people, Cain responded, “I promise to make 12 decisions every five minutes in a 60 minute period, or your pizza is free–”

Cain paused for five minutes while staring blankly into space, then added, “No wait, that’s something else.”