Herman Cain Denies Recognizing Front of Accuser's Head

SCOTTSDALE, AZ — In a press conference Tuesday, presidential candidate Herman Cain denied accusations of sexual harassment, declaring he did not even recognize the front of his accuser’s head when he watched her read a statement on television.

“From the front, this woman’s head looked totally unfamiliar to me,” stated Cain. “The fact that she intentionally concealed the back of her head from the cameras speaks volumes about her credibility.”

Cain accused Democrats of coaching the alleged victim, Sharon Bialek, by instructing her not to turn around when reading her statement.

“How am I supposed to defend myself against these accusations when my alleged victim is facing directly into the camera?” he asked. “All I saw were eyes and a nose that could have belonged to anybody. Yet that’s all she was willing to reveal in her publicity stunt on national television. Did she bend over in the slightest amount to let us glean even a glimpse of her scalp? No, she did not. Did she bend far enough down to let us see the two freckles on the nape of her neck? No, she did not.”

Cain restated his assertion that Bialek is lying. “If this woman were telling the truth,” he suggested, “why would she hide the recognizable backside of her head — the part with the convenient grab-handles… er, I mean ‘soft flowing locks of hair’?”

Cain issued a challenge to Bialek to let him take a look at the back of her head, close-up.  “I’m offering to fly this woman out here tonight and put her up in the best hotel,” he said. “All she has to do is place her head face down in my lap and let me look at it from behind.”

“I guarantee you,” he stated, “I will not recognize the back of this woman’s head any more than I recognize the front.”

“And that,” he added, emphatically, “will absolutely prove my innocence.”