Romney Wants U.S. Tax Revenue Paid Directly to Him

MANCHESTER, N.H. —  In a speech to a group of supporters, Mitt Romney today proposed that all U.S. tax revenue — approximately $2.2 trillion annually — be paid directly to him. Under the new “Internal Romney Service,” personal and corporate tax payments would no longer be made out to the “IRS,” but to “Mitt Romney,” and deposited electronically into his personal bank account.

“Washington doesn’t know what to do with your money,” said the former Massachusetts governor. “I do. I’m a businessman, and it just makes sense to allow me to collect these burdensome tax payments and do away with thousands of government employees.”

Romney said that as his compensation for collecting “all that money,” he will take half of it.

While some have called Romney’s plan “self-indulgent opportunism,” others noted this was the first time he articulated a concept consistent with positions he expressed prior to last week.

“At last,” noted one Republican voter, “Romney said something that fits perfectly with the other erudite statements he’s made over the past twenty years.”

Romney brushed off the criticism, assuring the public he is only interested in the well-being of the average citizen. He insists that taking half of all tax revenue for himself is a “fair deal” for the American people.

“Normally,” he noted, “I would take all of it.”

“That’s a savings of fifty percent,” he added. “And that’s good for the economy.”