Florida Passes ‘Kill the Negro’ Law

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Republican Governor Rick Scott today signed legislation that would make it legal to use lethal force against black citizens if they appear threatening, frightening, or just “dark and ominous.”

“The ‘Kill the Negro’ law will enable gun-toting, white Floridians to defend themselves against dangerous negroes,” said the Governor at a signing ceremony at the capitol, “while sending a message to the non-dangerous ones to stop looking so dangerous.”

The legislation, originally proposed by the NRA, is the first of the so-called “Stand Your Ground” laws in the nation to single out a specific ethnic group. NRA Vice President Wayne LaPierre praised the Florida legislature for passing the bill, while refuting accusations it is discriminatory, hateful and promotes violence. “This law doesn’t give blanket permission to shoot just any negro,” he explained, “only the ones who look scary.”

Gov. Scott assured citizens “Kill the Negro” has nothing to do with racism. “We even decided against using the term ‘African American,’” he noted, “because that would include people from South Africa, and most of them are white, and they’ve been through enough already.”

Estimates of black residents that have decided to leave the state as a result of the law are in the hundreds of thousands. Orlando resident William Johnson and his family grabbed everything they could and tossed it into a rented U-Haul. “Fuck Disney World,” he said. “These white people are crazy!” While not sure where they would relocate, Johnson said they were headed for a safer, kinder place “like Mississippi or Alabama.”

Scott believes the mass black exodus is vindication of the new law. “If they werea  peace loving, non-threatening, lighter-skinned people, they’d have nothing to worry about.”

“In a free society, if you feel threatened by a person because the color of their skin is a shade or two darker than yours,” added Scott, “you have a right defend yourself against that color or any other color that is not your own.”