Anitifa Stole My Body and Rioted as Me

Washington (TheSkunk.org) – Last week I was singled out by the media for participating in a violent insurrection against our country. As thousands of armed Trump supporters breached the Capitol walls and entered the halls of Congress, it was reported that I was in the middle of the melee, peeing on a statue of Benjamin Franklin. Believe me, I am a proud American and would never pee on the statue of a Christian. That’s when it hit me:  Antifa must have stolen my body and went to our nation’s capital to wreak havoc – as me.

It’s the only logical explanation. Antifa came at night, whilst I was sleeping. I don’t remember much about it, but the next day, I see myself on TV in the middle of a riotous crowd. Of course, the leftist media won’t report the truth. All the say is that Johnny “Buchenwald” Hammerbendle was seen beating up a cop. They conveniently left out the part about me not being inside me, having been replaced by Antifa.

As my tats can attest, I am a patriot, and I would never defile a precious national monument in broad daylight, but – live and learn – I suppose that’s something my body just might do. So, in good conscience, I can take no responsibility for violence committed by my body without me inside.