BUTTE, MO — Due to a loophole in the federal “Cash for Clunkers” program, local dentist Halman Johnson was able to bring his wife of twenty-two years into the local Ford dealership and walk away with $4500 cash and a 2010 Escort Cabriolet hybrid.
Tag: ford
Madoff Seeks Partnership with Ford
DURHAM, NC — Upon learning that Ford Motor Company posted a surprise second-quarter profit of $2.3 billion, convicted investment manager Bernard Madoff announced his intention to partner with the American automaker to create an energy-efficient all-green vehicle called the “Ponzi.”
Congress Tells Toyota, Honda, BMW to Make Shittier Vehicles
WASHINGTON — The House Financial Services Committee issued a statement today, urging foreign car manufactures to “tone down” the quality and appeal of their products, so that the big three American car companies can compete more effectively.
Man's Testicle Reveals Image of GM CEO
A local crossing guard claims a perfect image of GM chief executive Rick Wagoner has appeared on his left testicle.
Automakers Form Suicide Pact
DETROIT — The chief executives from Ford, GM and Chrysler, fresh from groveling to Congress to bail their respective firms out from under their mismanagement and poor judgment, have issued a statement today outlining plans for their joint suicide. Should any of the Big Three automakers be unable to repay the billions of dollars they are requesting from the federal government, all three CEOs have vowed to kill themselves.
GM CEO Says Employees will Work for $1 if Company Receives Bailout
DETROIT — On the heels of Ford CEO Alan Mulally’s promise to work for $1 per year if his company has to take any government
Horse and Buggy Manufacturers Seek Fed Assistance
WASHINGTON, DC — Two horse and buggy manufacturing executives made a trip to Capitol Hill on Friday, seeking government assistance for their flailing industry.
