Republicans Reject No-Lie Zone

WASHINGTON ( — Opposing efforts by Democrats in Congress to pass a no-lie zone over the nation’s capital, Republican lawmakers say they will defeat any legislation requiring honest discourse and veracity from elected officials.

The proposed legislation, known as HB-95 “Creating a Domestic No-Lie Zone that Would Forbid Anyone, Particularly Republicans, from Making Untrue and Dishonest Statements to the American People,” would make it illegal for any politician, PAC, or campaign donor to knowingly espouse falsehoods for the purpose of swaying the public to a particular point of view and/or getting themselves elected.

“Deception is an integral component of our political process,” declared Speaker John Boehner. “It enables us to convince the American public to accept policies that are inherently unfair and hurtful to them.  Any  attempts to create a no-lie zone in the U.S. will make it tougher to push through legislation that puts the interests of our corporate donors over those of the working class, and will be met with sweeping opposition.”

“This big government mandate to speak the truth is just another socialistic program from the big-government progressives in Congress,” stated Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN). “First, it’s a no-lie zone, then what’s next, anti-corruption legislation?”

Former Governor Sarah Palin, who may be considering a run for the White House in 2012, asserted the ability to mislead the public is a “basic American right, founded in the hallowed principles of the Constitution.”

“The government can’t make a law requiring its servants to be honest,” said Palin. “This is a huge overreach of federal authority and a violation of the second amendment or the thirty-third — or maybe both or all of them.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell called the proposal “impractical,” contending it would be impossible to enforce such a law. “We’d need people to start listening carefully to everything we say, and then verify our facts for accuracy. It would create a whole new government bureaucracy responsible for alerting the public everytime we utter a half-truth, or claim as reality an over-the-top fabrication.”

The Tea Party has made the no-lie zone their new cause d’jour, and plans to hold a protest rally outside the Capitol at the end of the week. “It’s a free country,” noted one tea bagger. “I should be allowed to be lied to by my government officials if that’s my choice.”

To emphasize the point, he held up a bumper sticker that read: “Hear What You Want to Hear.  Defeat the No-Lie Zone.”

He added: “Ain’t nobody in Washington gonna force me to handle the truth.”