Today is: Friday, August 22, 2014

Obama Promises to Kill New Bad Guy Every Month

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Still basking in the warmth of the successful May 1 mission that ended the life of the world’s most-wanted criminal, President Obama has pledged to have a new bad guy murdered every month.

Since the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden earlier this week, Americans have been clamoring for more of that presidential brand of “justice,” and Obama is more than happy to deliver.

Beginning June 1, and continuing through the 2012 elections, the Commander-in-Chief has ordered his top security advisors to identify various individuals to be taken down once a month.

Taking his cue from the fictional Showtime character Dexter, the “Prexter” — as he likes to be called — said his only requirement is that it be a “really, really bad guy”; someone who has managed to evade traditional law enforcement and “totally has it coming to him.”

“Americans have spoken,” noted Obama, “and what they want are regular executions, carried out with the same surgical style and aplomb as was implemented in the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden.”

Obama hopes the new directive will elevate his image among voters. “I’m not just some college professor lecturing from a podium,” he added. “I can be pretty bad-ass if it serves the best interests of the American people.”

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