LONDON (TheSkunk.org) — After giving less than stellar testimony before a British parliamentary committee Tuesday about their knowledge of the phone hacking scandal, publishing tycoon Rupert Murdoch and his son James announced today that News Corp. has made an offer to purchase Parliament and add it to their vast media empire.
The first order of business for the new enterprise, according to James Murdoch, would be ordering their new Parliament Employees to enact legislation making both phone tapping and being an arrogant wanker legal activities in which they may freely engage.
“One can either confess to breaking the law,” said the younger Murdoch, “or one can purchase it. We’ve chosen the latter.”
Parliament has not yet decided whether or not to sell itself to the Murdochs, who offered £20 million for “the whole bloody thing.”
To make the deal more attractive to lawmakers, the Murdochs offered to pay for several improvements, including “naked girls in the chambers and what not.”
But their most ambitious plan was revealed when Rupert Murdoch’s phone line was hacked into by a reporter for the Sunday Mirror. Murdoch was overheard telling his son he wanted to replace the members of both houses of Parliament with his former News of the World staff. He also said he would change the name of the institution from “Parliament” to “News of the World.”
“And then,” added the older Murdoch, “I’m going to turn it into a weekly newspaper.”