Keystone Pipeline Spill Would Employ Thousands, Says Romney

OKLAHOMA CITY (TheSkunk.org) — Mitt Romney today told a group of reporters that on his first day as President he would approve the completion of the controversial Keystone Pipeline, because “when it inevitably fails in two or three years, it will put hundreds of thousands of people to work in the clean-up efforts.”

The controversial pipeline would transport crude oil from Alberta, Canada to multiple destinations in the United States. Although President Obama tabled a decision on the pipeline until 2013, pending further review of the merits and hazards it may present, the former Massachusetts governor insists it is imperative to green light the project right away.

“When this pipeline bursts, probably somewhere in the middle of Oklahoma,” said Romney, “millions of gallons of crude oil will soak into the heartland of America, poisoning water tables and killing anything that grows– and do you know how many jobs that will create?”

Romney said that it will take twice the effort as that of the 2010 BP Gulf spill to clean up the devastating effects of the Keystone spillage.  “This is on land – the oil will cover everything – farms, houses, livestock — and take years to ameliorate.”

So many jobs will be created from the catastrophe, according to Romney, that it will “practically end unemployment in this country.”

“President Obama doesn’t know how to create jobs, and I do,” asserted Romney. “When I’m President, we will complete the pipeline and send billions and billions of gallons of oil through it every day.”

“Then we’ll sit back and wait for a faulty connector to break off or a valve to malfunction,” he added, “and get America back to work.”

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