LONDON (TheSkunk.org) — A series of five interlocking rings have mysteriously shown up at The Royal Botanical Gardens — also known as Kew Gardens — this past week, causing a myriad of speculation among conspiracy theorists and scholars, and leaving authorities baffled.
Some observers wrote the designs off as a mere prank. “Clearly some school kids with a lot of time on their hands,” said 2012 London Olympics chairman Sebastian Cole. “It’s vandalism, clear and simple, and I hope these hoodlums are apprehended and dealt with in a severe manner.”
But others believe the patterns to be more than the work of some naughty school children. “These symbols could not have been created by humans,” insisted local resident Ned Lloyd. “Look how symmetrically interlocked the circles are and perfectly round.” Lloyd tilted his head heavenward and pointed to the sky. “It’s them. They’re sending us a message.”
The Metropolitan Police Service is investigating the enigmatic loops, along with hundreds of other similarly interconnected rings that have sprung up across the British countryside in recent weeks.
“We’re not certain how these circles were created or who created them,” said Professor Alan Tiggle, Assistant Director of the Gardens, “but they’re quite lovely, and we hope whoever created them will maintain them in good order and perhaps consider livening up some of our other natural environments with their breathtaking designs – perhaps with squares or parallelograms next time.”
The controversy has put the London Olympics Committee in damage control mode.
“To all the people who have traveled to the Olympics from all over the world,” stated Chairman Cole, “please don’t let the defacement of our community, and those who caused it, be a distraction from your enjoyment of the games.”
“It doesn’t really matter who did them or how they got there,” he added. “We will not allow these five interconnected rings that have been mysteriously carved into the British landscape to detract from the true spirit of the Olympics.”