BOSTON (TheSkunk.org) — In a recently discovered document authored by John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, our founding fathers expressly sought to protect the rights of mentally ill people to kill as many people as possible in the shortest amount of time.
“A free state must not constrain an individual from eradicating his fellow citizens en masse,” writes Adams, “in a quick and expedient manner.”
Jefferson was equally as steadfast in his conviction that “a government of the people cannot restrict, nor should any nation attempt to restrict, the deranged few from their God-given right to inflict lifelessness upon the many.”
Midway through the document, Adams offers his vision for the survival of the union: “Through the grace of God,” he writes, “our very freedom demands that firearms someday discharge hundreds of lethal projectiles with one pull of the trigger.”
Jefferson subsequently gives an eloquent defense of the Second Amendment: “The freedom to take out a large swath of humanity in a senseless and arbitrary manner is what separates a free people from those who would interpret the phrase ‘a well-regulated militia’ to have anything to do with regulation or militia.”
“The right to fire one’s weapon willy-nilly into a crowd is an absolute right guaranteed to all citizens,” added Adams. “And it shall not be infringed.”