WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — In the midst of negotiations with the White House over the so-called “fiscal cliff,” Speaker John Boehner today unveiled his proposal to reform Medicare by replacing it with a coupon good for 10% off at Applebee’s restaurants.
“This coupon will give everyone over 65 years of age a substantial savings at an Applebee’s of their choice,” explained Boehner. “ We feel this is the best way to help Americans live out their golden years with dignity and a delicious roasted garlic sirloin or a three-cheese chicken penne.”
President Obama responded that changing Medicare into a dining coupon is a “non-starter,” reiterating his position that discounts need to be lower for those with incomes over $250,000. “The Speaker’s plan is not a serious proposal,” stated Obama. “Americans making under $250,000 should receive at least 25% off on a meal, and those of us in the top earning bracket should receive, maybe a free beverage or a side of fries, at most.”
Boehner scoffed at the President’s suggestion. “We don’t have a beverage problem in this country,” he asserted, “we have a lack of coupons for the elderly.”
Boehner firmly believes that Americans “spoke loudly” in the last election.
“Our constituents told us to toe the line with respect to entitlements,” he said, “and we feel 10% off for all seniors is a balanced approached.”
“Just don’t expect government to take care of the tip,” added Boehner. “You should leave your server five to six percent on the full, pre-discounted total.”