Clinton Fundraiser: Win a Date with Hillary

NEW YORK ( — Senator Hillary Clinton, desperate to pay off campaign debts and stay in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, has come up with a creative approach to campaign financing with her “Win a Date with Hillary” promotion. Donors who contribute one-hundred dollars or more are entered into a weekly drawing. One winner each week, selected at random, will go on an all-expense-paid date with Hillary Clinton.

According to Clinton’s website, “Your date will start with a fully stocked limousine ride, escorting you and the senator to a dinner at the finest restaurant of your choice. After dinner, the driver will whisk the two of you off to a cozy cottage, where you will have the opportunity for hours and hours of Democratic lovemaking with the potential Leader of the Free World. How many people can say that?”

“Trust me, it’s quite a turn-on,” says former President Bill Clinton, who thought up the promotion. “If your wife’s running for President of the United States, you might as well just throw away the Viagra.”

The contest is restricted to Super Delegates and residents of Michigan and Florida.

The Obama campaign called the promotion a sad, depraved attempt by a desperate candidate. “I won’t call it prostitution,” said her rival, Barack Obama. “I have too much respect for Hillary to do that. But I will say that I have known other women who have done the same thing she is doing, and they refer to themselves as prostitutes. Not my words, their words.”

“Sexism rears its ugly head, again,” chided Sen. Clinton. “If I were a man, you’d be patting me on the back and buying me a beer. Shame on you, Senator Obama. Shame on you.”

“This contest isn’t over,” she continued, “until the good people of Michigan and Florida have had a chance to sleep with me.”