Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy

WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition.  He said the 22-year-old’s plan will be a model for both his administration’s education and economic policies. 

“Ms. Dylan has paved the way for every young virgin to afford to go to college, while helping our distressed economy at the same time,” said Obama in an interview on CNN.  He noted that the bidding for Dylan’s cherry had already exceeded $3 million.  “We can tax the proceeds of her stimulus package to pay for ours.”

The Government Accounting Office estimates that there will be between 10-12 million college bound virgins in 2009, and that if just 5 percent of those were to receive $1 million dollars or more for the sale of their virginity, the country would make a full economic recovery.

The proposal has received overwhelming, bi-partisan support from rich old men in the senate.

“My message to the virgins of America is clear,” said the President-elect.  “You have an opportunity to get a first-rate education, while helping future generations live a better tomorrow.  Don’t give it away.”

Obama has initiated a national “Don’t Give it Away” campaign to promote the policy.