Jackasses Offended by Comparison to Kanye

CALIFORNIA — An off-the-record comment by President Obama calling Kanye West a “jackass” has been rebuffed by a herd of wild donkeys in the San Bernardino Mountains, east of Los Angeles.

A representative for the jackasses called the President’s remark “outrageous and offensive.”

“We know we can sometimes be hard to live with,” admitted Charlie, a grey and white burro, “but that doesn’t make us boorish assholes. We would never treat another creature in such a disrespectful manner.”

An elderly jackass named Brownie agreed. “We might bray at three in the morning or step on your dog or something like that,” admitted the droopy brown ass, “but in all my years, I’ve never seen a donkey – or even a mule – upstage a young artist basking in the glory of a prestigious award.”

The asses have asked President Obama for an immediate apology, saying the comparison to the hip-hop star was “unjustified” and “just plain rude.”

“That singer is not a jackass,” asserted Charlie. “He’s a cocksucker.”

The donkeys brayed wildly at the comment, but a rooster named Doodle-Do didn’t find it amusing, and demanded an immediate apology.

The asses lowered their tails contritely, as one-by-one they stroked their hairy cheeks against the cock. “Enough, already!” ejaculated the rooster. “I forgive you.”

“See? We’re big enough asses to apologize,” said Charlie. “I hope the President is, too.”

The White House was unavailable for comment.