WASHINGTON — The Republican National Committee has hired Kanye West to interrupt President Obama’s speeches on healthcare, according to RNC Chairman Michael Steele.
“We thought we scored a touchdown for our ‘distract and deter’ policy with [Congressman Joe] Wilson,” said Steele, “but after watching Kanye’s embarrassing outburst at the Video Music Awards, we knew he was our man.”
Steele praised the hip-hop star for his “total lack of inhibitions,” calling him a role model for the conservative movement. “We need more people like Kanye, who are eager to inject foolishness and impropriety into the healthcare debate.”
West is scheduled to attend all of Obama’s upcoming speeches related to heathcare reform, and has been instructed to snatch the microphone away from the President at the “inappropriate time of his choosing,” using it to mumble accolades about the Republicans’ “alternative plan.”
“Although we don’t really have an ‘alternative plan,’” admitted Steele, “we told Kanye to just make one up.”
West seems pleased with his new gig. “Although I voted for Obama, myself,” he said, “I’m honored to have been chosen to f**k up his speeches and s**t like that.”
West looks forward to making a complete ass of himself when Obama speaks before the Nurses Association later in the week, telling reporters that while nurses perform an “important service for our country,” his friend Beyoncé would have “done a better job than any of them” had she chosen to become a nurse instead of an entertainer.