Racist Councilman Sues Himself for Slander

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SANTA CLARITA, CA – A city councilman who referred to himself as a “proud racist” -– a characterization he vehemently refutes — has sued himself for slander.

Councilman Bob Kellar, a former two-time mayor, tried to clarify the controversy by admitting he had indeed uttered the words “I am a proud racist” at a recent anti-immigration rally, but denying there was any truth behind them.

“I am not a racist,” he asserted, “just because I said I was a ‘racist’ – just because that was the word I used — doesn’t make me one, and I am not going to stand by in silence as these injurious, defamatory comments sling freely from my unbridled mouth.”

Kellar is seeking from himself $12 million in damages, as well as an apology – an apology he thus far has refused to give or accept, saying that anyone who knows him can vouch for the fact that he is not a racist.

“But if opposing a system where illegal immigrants can use their fluency in a foreign language to steal day labor jobs away from the rest of us and perpetrate crimes against our fair city makes me a racist, then, dognabbit, I’m a racist – and a proud one, at that.”

“Damn it,” he said. “There I go again.”

Kellar said he was outraged at his continued use of the controversial phrase when alluding to himself, whereupon he immediately doubled the compensation he will be seeking in court.

According to Kellar, by announcing publicly that he is a racist, he has damaged his reputation as the non-racist people have come to know, and is confident the jury will issue a judgment in his favor.

“I can’t keep calling myself a racist and expect to get away with it,” he explained. “People will start to believe I’m a racist, merely because I said it, and not because of my preconceived notions that people who are different from me should just go away.”

As a defense, Kellar plans to explain how he took his own words out of context – words that were intended as rhetorical hyperbole. “What I meant to call myself was a ‘plain, run-of-the-mill racist’ or ‘racist adjacent’ or ‘having racist tendencies’ or ‘racist light.’ The word ‘proud’ was an exaggeration.”

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