Boehner Blames Japan Quake on Obama Tax Policy

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) – Calling it another example of why he believes it is bad for the economy to raise taxes during a recession, Speaker John Boehner laid blame for the recent 8.9 earthquake off the coast of Japan at the failed policies of the Obama administration.

Boehner said the “Obamaquake” — and the subsequent “Tsobamanami” that inundated the island nation – only make it tougher for U.S. businesses to hire American workers and will ulimately do nothing to reduce the unemployment rate.

“Japan is one of our closest allies,” lamented Boehner, tears welling up in his eyes, “and allowing an earthquake of this magnitude to wreak havoc on those wonderful, dear people will not produce a single job in our own country. It’s a misguided energy policy; we should be drilling our way out of this.”

The Speaker contended that under George Bush, natural disasters were limited to evil countries only, reminding reporters that under the leadership of a Republican president, there were no tsunamis in France or England or Canada.

“If this devastating earth movement doesn’t illustrate why it’s important to lower taxes on the super-rich, I don’t know what does,” he noted. “The Republicans have a plan for this.  We want to lower corporate tax rates, eliminate unions, prevent women from having an abortion, throw away healthcare for millions of uninsured Americans, bring back prayer in public schools, convert the Jews and make it impossible to sue financial institutions, even in cases of rape or incest.”

Boehner warned that America can no longer afford Obama’s dangerous government takeover of the government that led to the seismic catastrophe in Japan. “It’s about personal responsibility, smaller government and fewer shifts in the earth’s techtonic plates.”

“When the American people compare our plan to the destruction caused by Obamaquake, I’m sure they will regret electing a black man with a dubious past as their president — even if they believe he wasn’t born in Kenya and isn’t a Muslim, as he contends — and agree to do away with the minimum wage and public education.  Americans are getting tired of the same old rhetoric coming from the White House, and I’m sure they will enthusaistically support a new president who will put the interests of huge coporations above their own — someone who doesn’t create earthquakes, but knows how to profit from them.”

Boehner believes a majority of the public is on his side.

“This president just doesn’t’ get it,” he added.