'Occupy Earth' Movement Baffles Authorities
LOS ANGELES — From Oakland to Paris, law enforcement agencies around the world are in a quandary figuring out how to deal with the new “Occupy Earth” movement.
Month: 13 years ago
If the Presidential Election Were Held Today, for Whom Would You Vote?
“Michele Bachmann, definitely. I look forward to at least four years of listening to her thoughtful discourse and well-reasoned policy positions. In addition, I feel she will do the most to ensure my future job security.”
— Ben LaDroit
Writer
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Sandusky to Enter Republican Primary Race
STATE COLLEGE, PA — Former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky has thrown his hat into the 2012 Republican presidential primary race.
High School Junior Cannot Stop Using the Word 'Dude'
TEMPLE CITY, CA — High school junior Byron Carter has tried unsuccessfully for the last six months to utter a complete sentence that does not contain the word “dude” in it.
Ice Penis
A detective whose penis was blown off in bomb blast has it surgically replaced with a new one made of ice. Follow his exploits as he fights crime and upholds American values, while maintaining the temperature of his pants a cool 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Stars Charlie Sheen.
Sexual Harassment Victim Praises Herman Cain for Jump-Starting Her Career
TOLEDO, OH — Another alleged victim to accuse Herman Cain of sexual harassment has stepped forward — not to blame him for his misdeeds, but to thank him for helping her secure a “plum job.”
Dogs Bomb Spay & Neuter Clinic
CONCORDE, NH — A group of dogs claimed responsibility for the bombing Thursday of a spay & neuter clinic run by a prominent veterinarian. In a statement released today, the canines called mandatory sterilization “an egregious overreach of local government” and “regulation run rampant.”
Herman Cain T-Shirt
…and all I got was this lousy, minimum wage job.
Herman Cain Denies Recognizing Front of Accuser's Head
SCOTTSDALE, AZ — In a press conference Tuesday, presidential candidate Herman Cain denied accusations of sexual harassment, declaring emphatically that he did not recognize the front of accuser Sharon Bialek’s head when he watched her read a statement on television.
Befuddled Old Woman
From the producers of “The Amazing Race.” An elderly woman suffering from Alzheimer’s disease is airlifted to various locations around the world and told to find her way back home. Host: Simon Cowell.
