Obama Seeks to Punish Romney’s Success by Taking Away His Wealth and Distributing It to American People
“Why should he be entitled to all this wealth,” asked the President, “when so many of our fellow citizens struggle every day to put food on the table?”
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) – Mitt Romney has preached against the politics of jealousy for months, but no one really took him seriously — until now.
Under a new program referred to as “Romneyshare,” President Obama today ordered the IRS to seize all of Mitt Romney’s assets and distribute them evenly among the American people. “Why should he be entitled to all this wealth,” asked the President, “when so many of our fellow citizens struggle every day to put food on the table?”
Moving trucks showed up early in the morning at the Romney home in Park City, Utah. Movers hauled everything out of the six-thousand square foot structure and into five 40-foot tractor trailers, as the former Massachusetts governor tried in vain to deter them.
Two movers carried a dark walnut dresser from the house, bumping into the Republican Presidential nominee as they exited. “That’s my French armoire!” shouted a perturbed Romney, still wearing his silk pajamas. “You can’t take that — it’s 17th century and worth $75,000.”
The movers laughed. “That’s more money than both of us make in a year — combined,” responded one of the moving men, as he and his colleague hefted the antique onto the liftgate. He wiped the sweat from his brow, and turned Romney. “If it makes a difference, I’ll be voting for you in November.”
Despite Romney’s pleas, the armoire was tossed into the truck with the rest of the expensive and gaudy bedroom furniture he and his wife, Anne, had obtained over the years. Within hours, the entire house was empty. The trucks sped off into the distance, as similar scenes played out at Romney’s other homes in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, La Jolla, California and Belmont, Massachusetts (where Romney lived in his son’s basement to establish voter residency under Massachusetts law).
A broken and beaten Mitt Romney held a news conference later in the day to criticize the Chief Executive. “President Obama wants to create a nation where the wealthy are frowned upon instead of looked up to,” he told reporters, his eyes welling up with tears. “This is another example of the politics of jealousy.”
“Damn right, we’re jealous,” responded the President to an enthusiastic crowd at a campaign speech in Chicago. “Why should a creep like that have all this dough when the rest of us have to work hard for a living. Think of what you or I could do if we had all that money. Think of all the trips we could take, the houses we could buy, the friends we could help.”
Obama then announced that everyone will be receiving their share of the Romney fortune in the mail.
“Once all of Governor Romney’s assets are sold, and his U.S., Swiss and Cayman bank accounts liquidated,” explained Obama, “I’ve instructed the Treasury Department to distribute the proceeds evenly among all individuals making less than $250,000 per year.”
Supporters responded by cheering for the President for several minutes, amid thunderous applause and repeated chants of “Four More Years” and “Take Romney’s Money.”
According to the Obama administration, the so-called “Romney Rebates” — checks in the amount of $2.75 — should be received by everyone toward the end of summer.
“All people want is to have an equal opportunity,” noted Obama, “and I will see to it that Romneyshare is distributed fairly and equitably.”
“The American dream as lived by Mitt Romney,” he added, “is now available to everyone.”
