EPA to Allow Feces in Drinking Water

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Beginning Monday, water from your sink faucet may have a familiar odor to it – but not one normally associated with the kitchen tap. Calling the prohibition against feces in drinking water “over-regulation run amok,” Environmental Protection Agency Chief Scott Pruitt today ordered his department to stop enforcing it.

“It’s not the government’s job to tell citizens if or when or what they can drink,” explained Pruitt. “Feces-laced water has been part of American culture for centuries. In fact, George Washington probably drank water with feces in it. And the very water you drink today may have had some of George Washington’s feces in it. It’s kind of exciting when you think about it that way.”

The new EPA order coincides with the recent deregulation of other toxic compounds, such as glue, turpentine and Raspberry-pumpkin Fanta soda.

“If consumers want pure water, they can go out and purchase a wide variety of water filters for their homes, although I would recommend the Culligan Ultra Under-Sink Drinking Water Filtration System,” said Pruitt, who serves as an advisor to the Culligan Company. “You can pick one up at Home Depot for under two-hundred dollars.”

“The good people of Detroit have chosen to filter their water for years now,” he continued, “and it’s good, clean water.”

“But the point is:” added Pruitt, “it’s their choice.”