Trump to Build His Own Prison

New York (TheSkunk.org) —- President Donald Trump will be building the federal prison facility where he plans to reside with his family in about nine to ten months. “America has the worse prisons anywhere in the world,” noted Trump in an early morning tweet, just hours after special prosecutor Robert Mueller began intensifying the investigation into the Russia scandal. “I am going to build the best prison you have ever seen, believe me —- and Mexico’s going to pay for it.”

The Mexican government indicated this is something they might actually consider, with other countries promising to “chip in.”

The Trump Greybar Correctional Facility and Spa will feature high-quality amenities, such as mattresses emblazoned with the Trump moniker, Trump toilet paper, Trump biscuits, and individually wrapped bars of soap from Trump’s failed casinos.

Construction begins in January and is scheduled to be completed by the time the first guilty verdict is announced.

“Someone who wins all the time deserves a winning place to spend the rest of his winning life,” explained Trump. “This is a place where I will never get tired of winning.”

The plans call for Don Junior and Eric Trump to have an entire wing to themselves. A spokesperson for the administration stated there would be “no room for Jared.”

“We are no longer going to send our great convicted felons to loser prisons anymore,” claimed Trump. “From now on, America’s penitentiaries will be respected.”