Mel Gibson to Head RNC
In a survey taken shortly after Gibson’s infamous phone tirades against his ex-girlfriend were made public, 83% of RNC members said they “strongly admired” the epithet-spouting Oscar-winning actor.
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Heterosexual Couple to Adopt Gay Baby
TRENTON, NJ (TheSkunk.org) — Unable to conceive their own homosexual child, a straight married couple is seeking to adopt a gay baby, according to state authorities.
BP CEO Assures Public His Salary Will Not Be Affected by Spill
NEW ORLEANS (TheSkunk.org) — In a television commercial to be aired later this week, BP CEO Tony Hayward reassures the American people that his corporate compensation package will not be affected “in any way” by the oil spill.
BP to Build Museum Dedicated to Species It Destroyed
PORT FOURCHON, LA (TheSkunk.org) — BP announced today it will spend $50 million to build a museum dedicated to the plants and animals that have become extinct as a result of the company’s disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
Al-Qaeda's Number Four Promoted to Number Three
ISLAMABAD — After the United States announced the killing of Al Qaeda’s “Number Three” leader, Mustafa Ahmed Muhammad Uthman Abu al-Yazid, the organization quickly named a successor.
Obama Sets Timetable for War on Poverty
Declaring that the United States will not commit itself to another unending, unwinnable conflict, President Obama today called for a complete withdrawal from the War on Poverty within 18 months.
Oil Spill: Gas-X to the Rescue
In its latest attempt stop the unending flow of pressurized petroleum that has been spewing uncontrollably into the Gulf of Mexico, BP announced today it will inject 500 million bottles of Gas-X tablets into the well.
Spilled Oil Was Destined for Gas Station in Iowa
DES MOINES — BP informed the public on Wednesday that the millions of barrels of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico were destined for a single gas station in Kimbalton, Iowa.
Canadian Goose Who Survived Collision with US Airways Flight 1549 Dies in Gulf Spill
A four-year-old Canada goose, who nearly died in a bird strike when his flock was vaporized in the engine of an Airbus A320-214 that crash-landed in the Hudson River in 2009, was found dead of oil poisoning on the Louisiana shoreline.
Arizona to Lower Concrete Boxes over Illegal Immigrants
Arizona lawmakers today enacted legislation giving local police permission to lower thousands of 100-ton containers directly over the heads of suspected illegal immigrants.
