WASHINGTON – A man wearing a teakettle on his head stated his opposition to President Obama’s healthcare reform legislation Saturday during a “Tea Party” protest held at the nation’s capitol.
Theodore “Moe” Hammond of Thousand Oaks, California said he dreamed up the idea on his own –- without input from his friends or neighbors — of fastening a tea kettle to his head.
“I figured if enough Americans could see a tea kettle on my head,” explained Hammond, “it would force the liberals to drop their plan for government run healthcare.”
Although some have been quick to write-off Hammond as an idiot wearing a tea-kettle on his head, prominent scholars on both sides of the political spectrum are taking note.
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin called the tea kettle-head man a “true American,” and Rush Limbaugh encouraged listeners of his conservative talk radio show to call themselves “Kettleheads.”
Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives, advised Congress that it should “pay attention to the man brewing tea on his head.”
Professor Robert Kolander of Tulane University, an advisor to the Obama administration, agreed. “The man with the tea kettle on his head has a remarkably astute understanding of the issues,” said the Nobel Prize-winning economist. “All the economic models and mathematical projections to date pale in comparison to his declaration that ‘Ain’t no government of mine gonna mess with my sicknesses.’”
Another man with a frying pan handle stuck up his rectum hoped to reinforce the message. “We don’t want none of that Obama-care,” said the handle-man, flapping the pan against his upper thighs for emphasis. “It’s a communist program to brainwash us into helping the sick and poor.”
The Obama administration was thrown for a loop by the protestors.
“We were hoping to pass healthcare legislation before anyone had a chance to attach kitchenware to their bodies,” said Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. “The frying pan dangling from that guy’s ass would have been bad enough, but knowing that tea kettle on top of that other guy’s head will be seen by millions of Americans – that’s a total game changer.”