IRVING, TX (TheSkunk.org) — In keeping with its discriminatory, anti-gay admission policy, the Boy Scouts of America announced today it will be removing the words “friendly,” “courteous,” and “kind” from the Scout Law.
The controversy had been lingering over the organization for years, with many people believing the policy of banning gays from Boy Scouts to be a contradiction of the basic tenets of scouting, itself, as set forth in the Scout Law and Scout Oath.
“As a private organization, we can legally discriminate against anyone,” said BSA Executive Vice President Leonard Moffatt. “For example, if we thought the Jewish boys were getting too powerful, we could ban them altogether.”
But with public pressure mounting to get the policy changed, Moffatt knew they would have to come up with a resolution to the situation.
That’s when he realized it would be a lot easier for the Boy Scouts to change their pledge than their policy. Instead of lifting the ban, they would add a few words to it.
“By eliminating those pesky little words,” explained Moffatt, “suddenly we’re in alignment with our own principles, and who can complain about that?”
The Board of Directors voted unanimously to ban from the Boy Scouts forever the terms “friendly,” “courteous,” and “kind.”
Wanting to keep the quantity of values delineated in the Scout Law at an even 12, Board members then voted to replace the erstwhile decrees with three new ones.
The official, updated Scout Law for 2013 reads: “A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, narrow-minded, blinkered and intolerant.”
“There you have it,” said Moffatt. “Starting today, there’s nothing incompatible with being both a queer-bashing pansy hater and a proud member of the Boy Scouts of America.”
“We hope this finally puts the whole issue to bed,” he added, “so we can continue offering wholesome activities that put adult heterosexual men in unsupervised situations with young, impressionable heterosexual boys.”