Tag: senate

The Mitch McConnell Firearms Loophole

April 20, 2013 | By | Reply More
The Mitch McConnell Firearms Loophole

 

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Rand Paul Pisses on Floor of Senate Chamber for 13 Hours

March 7, 2013 | By | Reply More
Rand Paul Pisses on Floor of Senate Chamber for 13 Hours

Paul said the purpose of his marathon urination session was to delay the vote on the confirmation of John Brennan as CIA director, by “making the Senate floor really uncomfortable to walk on.”

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House Votes to Extend Hatred of Obama for Six Months

July 28, 2011 | By | Reply More
House Votes to Extend Hatred of Obama for Six Months

Congress approved legislation this morning that would extend the GOP’s hatred of President Obama for another six months.

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Enormous Mayonnaise Spill Threatens Lake Michigan

May 23, 2010 | By | Reply More
Enormous Mayonnaise Spill Threatens Lake Michigan

Vast amounts of mayonnaise continue to spill into Lake Michigan after an explosion at the Kraft Foods factory blasted a hole in a pipeline used to manufacture the sandwich spread.

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GOP Introduces 'Minority Rules' Bill

April 20, 2010 | By | Reply More
GOP Introduces 'Minority Rules' Bill

“The Democrats have controlled Congress with their elected majorities for too long,” declared Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “With the passage of ‘Minority Rules,’ our party’s failed strategies on financial reform and deregulation of commerce and industry will become the law of the land.”

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Republicans Claim Victory in Passing Healthcare Reform

March 26, 2010 | By | Reply More
Republicans Claim Victory in Passing Healthcare Reform

WASHINGTON — In an apparent about-face, members of the Republican party are not only embracing the recently passed Health Care reform legislation as their own, but insisting its success stems from two minor provisions GOP leaders insisted be stricken from the bill on a technicality.

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Voters Disappointed in Scott Brown's Accomplishments in U.S. Senate

January 21, 2010 | By | Reply More
Voters Disappointed in Scott Brown's Accomplishments in U.S. Senate

BOSTON — Ever since Scott Brown was elected on Tuesday to fill the Senate seat once held by Ted Kennedy, Massachusetts voters have expressed their overwhelming disappointment with his inability to acccomplish anything.

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Palin Vagina Announces Run for Senate

November 10, 2009 | By | Reply More
Palin Vagina Announces Run for Senate

The vagina of former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced this morning its plan to run for the Senate seat from Alaska in 2010.

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Specter Switches Genders

May 18, 2009 | By | Reply More
Specter Switches Genders

WASHINGTON — Following his surprising switch to the Democratic Party, Senator Arlen Specter has announced that as of Monday he will no longer identify with the male gender, and will be joining the ranks of congressional females.

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Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy

January 14, 2009 | By | Reply More
Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy

WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year’-old’s plan will be a model for his administration’s education and economic policies.

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