The vagina of former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced this morning its plan to run for the Senate seat from Alaska in 2010.
The vagina said it is no longer associated with Palin, and looks forward to expressing its own views, independent of the former Alaska governor.
“I’ve been speaking on her behalf for the last forty years,” explained the vagina, who will be entering the senatorial race as an independent candidate. “It’s time for me to strike out on my own.”
Working behind-the-scenes, the vagina alleges it wrote and edited virtually every one of Palin’s speeches without receiving “so much as a tiny mention” on her Twitter page.
“The media dissected every word that came out of her mouth,” noted the vagina, who claims it was also the brains behind the ‘I can see Russia from my backyard’ sound bite, “yet, no one had a clue it was all conceived by me.”
The vagina said it became disheartened with Palin when people started confusing them with one another.
“When people started calling her by my name,” lamented the vagina, “that was it. Sometimes they’d qualify it by adding words like ‘skanky’ or ‘crazy’ – but she never once acknowledged my contributions.”
If elected, the Senator’s first order of business would be filing a lawsuit requiring Palin to use her own words and “stop repeating everything I say.”
“Sarah’s understanding of the world came from my lips to her ears,” asserted the vagina. “Yet did she ever show appreciation? Okay, maybe once on a very long plane trip to New York – but aside from that, not even a ‘thank you.’”