Satellite imagery from NASA’s LANDSAT program has revealed striking evidence that John McCain died over 50,000 years ago.
“We can assess the age of an object in many different ways,” said a NASA spokesperson. “In this case, we just kinda took a look at the guy and proffered an educated guess.”
When pressed about the accuracy of their study, the spokesperson admitted, “It’s give-or-take a few millennia. What do you expect? Iraq’s eaten up our budget and we don’t have the manpower to figure all this stuff out, yet alone explore strange new worlds and new civilizations. But we’re still pretty good at spying on people.”
NASA says while its estimates of when McCain died may vary by a few thousand years, they reasserted their confidence that he is, in fact, dead.
Landsat imagery courtesy of NASA Goddard Space Flight Center and U.S. Geological Survey